Who said there’s no Humor in Metal Detecting?

Okay, so Joe at Treasure Classifieds got this whole thing started with How to tell if a Detectorist Lives Out in the Sticks.  He then mentioned he’s from “The City”, which around these parts means NY City, and he would like someone to come up with a version of “How to tell if a Detectorist Hunts in the Big City“.  I suggested he get us started, and he sent along the following:

***How to Tell if a Detectorist Hunts in the Big City***

If the closest thing you’ve ever dug to a 3 ringer is a ribbed condom, you detect in the big city.

If you can only hunt your spots safely from 5am to 8am, you detect in the big city

If you’re approached to buy something that “fell off a truck” when hunting, you detect in the big city.

If your hunting buddy’s name is Angelo, Vinny or Sal, you detect in the big city.

If you need to pay 6 tolls before you arrive at your hunting spot, you detect in the big city.

If finding gold means digging a massive 18k grill bejeweled with diamonds, you detect in the big city.

If your detecting vehicle has rims that spin, you detect in the big city.

If you have 17 treasure hunting clubs within a 5 mile radius, you detect in the big city.

If you need to stop and feed the meter every two hours when hunting, you detect in the big city.

If you see at least 6 other hunters in your local park, and know them all by name, you detect in the big city.

If you find an old bottle of Night Train or Thunderbird and consider it a relic, you detect in the big city.

If your idea of heavy research means reading a map of an old park, you detect in the big city.

I added a few of my own, based on my limited experience detecting in NY City:

If you apply for your yearly detecting permit in November and don’t receive it until March, you detect in NYC.

If the sight of Co-op’s brings on visions of beach gold, you detect in NYC.

If you’re detecting the beach and no one pays attention to you, you detect in NYC.

It would be nice to get a few more added here, so feel free to leave your favorites in the comment section.

And this reminded me of a post from a few years back–

If you click on the link below, it will take you to the April 2011 edition of the Staten Island Atlas, the newsletter of the Staten Island History Hunters Club.  I was the Newsletter Editor at the time, and included this article “You Might be a Detectorist if…” (Page 6).

https://detectingdiva.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/SIHH-Atlas-April-2011.pdf

I don’t know who the original author was, so I can’t give credit, but I apologize to you, whoever you are.

Who said its hard to find humor in metal detecting?  I think it may have been me, but it’s looking like I was wrong, because there is some pretty funny stuff out there.

Click on the links below if you’d like another chuckle or two, and I hope some or all of this will bring a smile to your day:

Are you a Detecting Widow? Tips for Living in Harmony with a Detectorist

The ABC’s of Metal Detecting

And from February 2015…

Be thankful I don’t YouTube:

I noticed a trend recently with folks asking me
“What’s your YouTube channel?”

Um…Newsflash…I don’t YouTube. Sorry folks.

I’m not against YouTube, it has its place. Lately it seems to be standard practice for most people who detect, to also produce and star in their own hunt videos, which they then post on YouTube, for the metal detecting masses viewing pleasure.

I watched them for a while, but then I found better things to do…like go detecting.

I must be old school since I lack the need to document every target I dig. I can’t imagine hunting all day, hoping my finds will be video worthy enough to post to the world–Heck, I haven’t gotten around to updating the finds section of my website yet, where would I find the time to film, edit and post videos of my hunts?

But it got me thinking about, how, if I did produce a video for YouTube, it might play out. And I think it might go something like this…

Title: The Detecting Diva’s Epic Hunt Video

My Narration: Here we are at the site of an old colonial settlement that my buddy Jeb and I have been researching. We’ve just come upon this old cellar hole, that I estimate to be from the 1780’s, or earlier. We finally found the time to get out here, and the adrenaline is pumping (pan camera around site to build excitement in the viewer, focus on Jeb in the distance swinging his machine, then slowly pan back stopping directly at the cellar hole scanning its crumbling rock walls for effect).

I would then dig 12 pieces of junk, but you wouldn’t see all that, because I would edit that part out.

Back to Narration: Well, we’ve been here about a half hour now (zoom camera in on Jeb digging), and so far, nothing spectacular. I would then begin swinging, directing the camera toward my coil, making sure to catch each swing on camera for at least three full minutes. This will, no doubt, build suspense in the viewer.

Suddenly, a good target—“Oh wait, I’ve got a good signal” I would exclaim wildly; then show my coil going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, over the supposedly awesome repeating signal.

After my exaggerated coil pinpointing, I would dig out an over-sized clod of muck, and in the process make sure to grunt and breathe loudly for the viewers. As the excitement built, I would pull out my pinpointer for the next stage of recovery, run the pinpointer through the divot of muck, and when I realize the target is still in the hole, say bad words, but edit them out later.

Back to the hole with my pinpointer, Beep, beep, beep, annoying beeping and rummaging around until the target is found. After some more digging, the drum roll will sound (because I would edit that in)–and finally, I reach in and grasp the target–Ha! It’s an oxen shoe—aren’t you glad you tuned in?

All this would of course be followed by a lot of censored swearing, and as I continued on with the filming, you would see the recovery of the obligatory spoon, followed by shotgun shells, WTF-izits, and leave-a-rites, (as in-I’m gonna leave it right there).

I’m going to assume you would be privy to all those “treasures”, because knowing myself, while reviewing the film, I probably got tired of editing.

At the end of the video, circus music would play as I panned over all my finds. Cleverly added text would appear, describing the cool shoe buckle, coppers, flat buttons, half reale, and colonial silver brooch I discovered immediately after I stopped filming the finding of worthless pieces of junk. Go figure.

Then, as the self promoting credits began to scroll, and the circus music faded, you would have a moment to reflect, and be thankful that I do not actually have a YouTube channel…

Now, when I wrote the above, I did not have a YouTube channel… As time went on, I finally succumbed, and uploaded a few videos.

Now I ain’t saying my YouTube channel is great, (or even good), but it’s there.  I whined and whined until Santa got me a GoPro for Christmas last year, because I had aspirations of making some really cool videos… Fast forward to the Andora Farm hunt this past Fall, and that was the day I finally took my GoPro out of it’s box.  So much for aspirations…

I got some instruction and pointers from Delaware Digger on how to best use the GoPro, and when I returned home, finally decided to take it to the Farm fields to begin filming Detecting Diva’s Epic Hunt Video.

So, I had this camera strapped to my chest with some kind of accessory that Santa had also brought, and that Delaware Digger thought would be the best accessory for me starting out.  I had a great day, found a couple of King George’s, a CT Copper, part of a shoe buckle, buttons, and some other cool stuff.  And the best part was… I got it all on video!

I was excited to review the video, and got right to it after returning home.  The excitement was short lived though, as I realized there would be no video.  Apparently strapping a camera to my chest and then bending down to film all my digging and recovery only got me one thing–some really good views of my crotch on video!

Funny-I know, and you’d probably all like that video best, but no, I’m not going to use that footage, so have a laugh at my expense for me once again proving  I am not always the brightest crayon in the box.

Happy Hunting!